Bizarre Knight Realm Character Facts

Hello!
Well! This popped up randomly, and I thought it was quite funny.
You know those things called 'Chuck Norris Facts', well...I decided to make this one about everyone at Knight Realms.
Have a funny one or a lot of funny ones about your friends, or other characters, feel free to post them up!


And here! I'll start it off!
"Uncle Grizzle does not gain levels, his BEARD does"


Have fun! Can't wait to read some of these

Gideon doesn't smith weapons and armor, the fact of him having a hammer cause the metal to be so frighten it shapes its self.

The Yahtzis never actually yell there name that is simply the sound of the wind as it blows over there jinglys

(more later)

Gideon doesn't smith weapons and armor, the fact of him having a hammer cause the metal to be so frighten it shapes its self.

If only that were true...

Bears call "Hold - are you a Fogrom?"

Dr. West's tears could cure Legion, but she never cries.

Shen once roundhouse kicked the Monastery so hard that it turned into Darkheart Manor.

In a slightly different vein:
In Soviet Russia, hammer jacks Aliester!

1. There's no scalp under Jonas Kane's hair.  There's is only more hair.
2. The longest word in creation is actually Lethias' full name.
3. Fact: Over-Reach Slay is actually made up of a material called Roy-nium.
4. There's no such thing as Leprosy in KR... it lost it's job to the Moat Beast.
5. Snowflakes aren't a weather phenomenom... they're seeds for new Tellinghasts to be born.
6. Rainbows were created so gypsies would know what to wear.
7. Old age was created just so there be a word to describe Kendrick.
8. Bacon is cured by using smoke and spices.  Osred is cured by using bacon.

That's all I could come up with.

edit: fixed a spelling mistake...

1) Shen has two speeds:  Meditate and Kill
2) The citizens of Travance are afraid of Lord Fallow.  Lord Fallow is afraid of Wally.
3) Shen once kicked a horse in the chin.  Its descendants are known as giraffes.
4) Valos said "Let there be light."  Solomon Darkheart said "Say please."

Geoffrey the Peasant invented the color black.  In fact, Geoffrey the Peasant invented every color in the visible spectrum.  Except pink.  Magnus Zero invented pink.

Geoffrey the Peasant doesn't teabag the ladies, he potato-sacks them.

Geoffrey the Peasant once made sweet love to an entire convent of Valosian nuns.  The result of this union was a little family called the Tellingasts.

Geoffrey the Peasant destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.

Geoffrey the Peasant's hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

While urinating, Geoffrey the Peasant is easily capable of welding mithril.

It takes 14 puppeteers to make Geoffrey the Peasant smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage.

Geoffrey the Peasant doesn't play god. Playing is for children.

Cinder's tears cure nothing, which is a shame, since he cries all the time.

Thomas Ahlman once pulled a single hair from his beard and used it to skewer 3 orcs.

Osred doesn't read books, he simply stares at them until they give him the information he wants.

There is no head under Yngwie's hair, only an empty quiver.

Apollo likes to knit sweaters in his free time. By knit I mean eat. By sweaters I mean babies.

As a side note, this game is a lot of fun when applied to Andre the Giant and how he was a love enducing cuddly teddy bear in real life.  Example:

One of the deleted scenes from Malcolm X has Andre the Giant giving him a hug during his trip to Mecca.  Explains an awful lot, doesn't it?

Geoffrey the Peasant invented the color black.  In fact, Geoffrey the Peasant invented every color in the visible spectrum.  Except pink.  Magnus Zero invented pink.

Quote for truth.

Also:
Witch Hunters don't sleep, they wait.

Solomon Darkhart is 10 feet tall, breathes fire, takes Slays standing up, and kills 700 year old pirates with each hand.

Bullywugs were originally stationary and didn't know how to travel.  They learned to leap & bounce by watching drunk gypsies on Victor Silas.

Wild Mages are the descendants of humans and demon pairings. Darkharts are the descendants of humans and sheer awesome.

Quan Liu didn't sail west, he walked into a drink house in the orient, and walked out in Travance.

Azimar is actually an ungodly powerful avatar, he just hasn't figured out to who yet.

Before ogres go to sleep each night, they check their closet for Bromius.

Magnus is so fast, he can run around the world and dissipate undead himself in the back.

If you ask Baron Montgomery what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he shield bashes you in the face.

Apollo once barbecued a troll with his finger, just by pointing at it and saying "pew"

In an average Inn's common room there are 1,242 objects Solomon could use to kill you, including the room itself.

The Suicide King once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.

Shen keeps his friends close and his enemies closer. Close enough to drop them with one round house kick to the face

Shen is so fast that if he kicks you in the face, you know that sometime tomorrow you will do something to provoke it.

Carlos Magellan invented the color purple. Then he invented all of the other colors so that other people would have something to wear.

For thousands of years scholars could not determine what the word cute meant. And then Nym was born.

The moment that you realize that Lethias wants to kill you is the moment after he did it.

Druids were getting upset because Merrin Tellinghast was burning too many heretics, so Merrin found a new fuel for his bonfires. More heretics.

Andorra has 2 avatars... one is Kwildar, her Zealot of Love... the other is her Sexy Beast, Lord Shen.  They can merge into an uber, super-form of sexy love... named Super Saiyan Sleafus (or Sleafus for short).

The real reason the Hobgoblins invaded Pendarvin, they were running away from a single roundhouse from Forgrom.

The Rift wasn't caused by the Gods... it was caused by Zolton needing a place to bury his treasure.

Why are gnomes extinct?  Because the demon dog decided that they were tasty.
Victor Sylus is the only man ever who lost his virginity before his father did.
Some kids wear pajamas with Valos's symbol on them.  Valos wears pajamas with the Tellinghasts' symbol on them.
Bromius's blood is pure Satyr wine.  Malcolm McBrides blood is pure Magoon.
Whenever Magnus cries, a mother and father somewhere drops dead.  This is how he keeps his orphanage full.

Whenever Magnus cries, a mother and father somewhere drops dead.  This is how he keeps his orphanage full.

And so, the circle of Travances heroes having no parents continues.

Shen invented his own type of karate. It's called Shen-Will-Kill.
When Wolfgar is in a crowded area, he doesn't walk around people. He walks through them.
Victor Sylus does not "style" his hair. It lays perfectly in place out of sheer terror.

In the beginning, there was nothing.  Then Solomon Darkheart yelled at nothing to get off its lazy ass and get a job.  This is how the universe was created.

Shen once roundhouse kicked the Monastery so hard that it turned into Darkheart Manor.

Shen also roundhouse kicked the Dragon's Claw Inn.  It turned into the Ugly Mug.

Bromius's blood is pure Satyr wine.  Malcolm McBrides blood is pure Magoon.

He bleeds liquor he can't drink. A celt's worst nightmare.


If Shen round-house kicks you, you will die. If he misses you with the round-house kick, the wind behind the kick will tear out your pancreas.

He who lives by the sword, dies by the sword. He who lives by Fogrom, dies by crit 80.

The best-laid plans of mice and men often go awry. Even the worst-laid plans of Victor and Orion come off without a hitch

Staring at Atrus for extended periods of time without proper eye protection will cause blindess, and possibly fist sized brusies on the face

Contrary to popular belief, Br. Sabatheous does not have a heart of ice - he uses ice to warm his heart.

Lethial Silverbow is 4 feet 8 inches tall and can look down his nose at Odo.

Shen invented a language that incorporates elbow strikes and roundhouse kicks. So next time Shen is kicking your ass, don’t be offended or hurt, he may be just trying to tell you he likes your hat

Antrum Ardentfyre was a mistake by Gaia's behalf.  A spelling error was made during the planning stages. He's not suppose to be a paladin, but a penguin.

Ot-Gnar's cane was once a tree. Ot-Gnar didn't have it crafted, he intimidated it into shape.

Psions were liked at one point. It was when they didn't exist.

Psions were liked at one point. It was when they didn't exist.

Well played, sir, well played.

Sabbatheous' first job was as an altar-boy. There were no survivors.

Odo can blow bubbles with beef jerky.

Olaf eats steak for every single meal. Most times he forgets to kill the cow.

Aliester was once in a knife fight, and the knife lost.

Most people fear the Reaper. Erdrick considers him "a promising Rookie".

They once made a Slack McDermitt toilet paper, but there was a problem; It wouldn't take shit from anybody.

Bullywugs were originally stationary and didn't know how to travel.  They learned to leap & bounce by watching drunk gypsies on Victor Silas.

hey this quote looks oddly familiar... you really can't get over that can you Paul?

Bullywugs were originally stationary and didn't know how to travel.  They learned to leap & bounce by watching drunk gypsies on Victor Silas.

hey this quote looks oddly familiar... you really can't get over that can you Paul?

It's mostly the mental image I get in my head... NO!  Not like that... not what you think.

It's a mixed up mental image of Damien, some MMA discussion, some gypsies that came to a summer event that were nicknamed "KR Jailbait", a quote from a fellow player about said gypsies, and a super-rubber ball that was bouncing all over a KR campsite 1 event, all mixed together.  It was just a weird mental collage of all screwed up imagery that isn't even perverted... just weird.

More KR player facts...

If at first you don't succeed, you're not Galen.
Most boots are made for walkin'. Aradiel's boots ain't that merciful.
Logan does not own a house. He walks into random houses and people move.
Shen is not capable of hitting a target on the broad side of a barn. Every time he tries, the whole damn barn falls down.
Sticks and stones may break your bones, but a Grimdar glare will liquefy your kidneys.
Fogrom eats beef jerky and craps mithril. Then, he uses that mithril to make a axe, which he uses to kill a cow and make more beef jerky. Some people refer to this as the "Circle of Life."
When Liam was a baby, he didn't suck his mother's breast. His mother served him whiskey, straight out of the bottle.
Renaudierre was once a knight in the king's court.  He was known as Sir Beatdown.

Lord Fallow puts the “laughter” in “slaughter”

As  part of his saturday morning routine, Quan-Liu stretches by defeating 20 armed ninjas that jump out of various kitchen appliances

Aliester appreciates the candle lit romantic dinners, long walks on the beach and stomping your face in

Fool Solomon once, Shame on you; Fool him twice, he will use your spine as dental floss

You are what you eat. That is why Atrus’ diet consists entirely of bricks, steel, and the tears of small children.

If  you are in one mile of Magnus and you drop your toast, it will always land butter side up. Always

Father Edwin actually has hair, but it’s beauty is too great for mortal men to behold. As such, he appears bald to all but the purest of heart.

Father Brax always asks the same Winter Yule’s gift, a box of goblins and a sledgehammer.

Elenfae counted to infinity-Twice.

Sister Paige can speak Braille.

When Alok goes to sleep every day he checks his coffin for Lethias.

Kleiden does not hunt drow because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. Kleiden goes killing drow.

Seamus sleeps with a candle light. Not because Seamus is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of him.

Liam can play the Bagpipe with a piano

Fogrom can squeeze orange juice out of a lemon

Father Edwin once defeated Sir Renaudierre in a game of chess, in retaliation he invented “Over-Reach Slay”

Sir Thomas does not play “Hide and seek” he plays “Hide and pray I don’t find you”

Odo can make stones so heavy he can’t even lift it. And then he lifts it anyways, just to show you who Odo is.

Malcolm Mcbride assisted Sir Robert Peel in creating the first police force
--
Tom Polanski

When Alok goes to sleep every day he checks his coffin for Lethias.

One time Alok forgot, he's now a pile of ash.

Midas' touch was a myth, Zahir really can turn anything into a Hookah.

If a tree falls in the forest and no one hears, did the Londwynians really cut it down?

"Father Brax always asks the same Winter Yule’s gift, a box of goblins and a sledgehammer"

HOW'D YOU KNOW!

Alia doesn't read the songs out of her song book.. she just sings them and the words appear

Aria doesnt like fire magic.. but it LOVES her

the hookha-mancers club is more powerful than the rogues guild, the mage's guild the church of light and the kormyrian empire put together

Ethan Arch-Angel isnt crazy.. his awesome makes u crazy